If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way of attaining it.
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea
And that goes for men, too. For solitude, I suspect, is a human need versus a want.
I’ve been hearing from both male and female friends lately about how much they crave time alone—to sit quietly, even for just a few minutes, to collect their thoughts without being talked to, texted at, questioned, interrupted, etc.
At first it seemed strange to me, since I now spend a significant part of my day in sweet solitude, that what many people crave isn’t chips, chocolate, booze or sex but rather simply to be left alone. Then I realized that over the years, solitude has become as essential to me as breathing.
If I don’t have at least half an hour of solitude in the morning—to sip my coffee, reflect on the day before, plan the day ahead, dream about the future, give thanks for the blessings in my life, send out a prayer for those in need, and just sit quietly for a few moments to hear if there are any intuitive insights my soul is trying to communicate to me—my day tends to spiral out of control pretty quickly.
I need time to process my experiences and pave the way for what I want to come. And I can only do that when I am alone and quiet.
“When our minds are calm,” explains author Elisabeth Fayt in her book, Paving it Forward; The Energy of Creating, “little disturbances in the day are like small pebbles causing mere ripples in the lake of our consciousness. When our minds are restless, little disturbances are like boulders causing great waves in our consciousness…from a calm center we make better decisions.”
So why is it so difficult for people to find time—make time—for solitude?
I’m sure there are many reasons, but I suspect a common one is guilt. In fact, two friends (who don’t know each other) shared with me they feel guilty if they actually stop whatever work they are doing in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon just to sit down with a cup of tea to read a magazine article, or simply stare out the window.
Why? Because that’s not productive.
I beg to differ. For contrary to what our Puritan work ethic might have us believe, stopping for ten minutes to quiet one’s soul just might be the most productive thing we do in a day.
I have so much to accomplish today that I must meditate for two hours instead of one.
~Mahatma Gandhi
Another possible reason why people don’t like spending quiet time alone—without TV, movies, video games, phones, computers, music or other people— is because being inwardly attentive can be rather daunting indeed. What if we don’t like what we hear?
What if some annoying little thought such as “You need to go back to school so you can get a job you love,” or “You need to tell your family that you need more help around the house,” or “It’s time to move on,” bubbles to the surface?
Sometimes it seems safer to just keep moving…and fair enough, sometimes it is. But quite often the wisest thing we can do is carve out some time on our own, turn off all distractions…and listen to what our soul might be trying to tell us.
We cannot see our reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.
– Taoist Proverb
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Previously Published on Pink Gazelle
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